Thursday, December 29, 2011

Baby News Leakage

Dear Facebook – I love you and I hate you.

You’re handy, convenient, and always at my fingertips. I use you for remembering people’s names and birthdays (more than once), keeping in touch with friends and family, for a laugh, a cry, a lurk, spy, poke, to joke around, for work, to share a thought, express a feeling, capture a moment, to network, make a statement, and much, much more.  You name it, and I can get pretty close to accomplishing it with you.  As much as I have enjoyed you over the years, you have become both my friend AND my enemy, and I’ve actually had thoughts of ending my torrid and somewhat psychotic affair with you.  

But then I come back in to your welcome arms.  

Facebook, you’re too good to leave, and too bad to stay.

Soon-to-be-Papa Doug

Ok, I had to get it off my chest.  Facebook has been trying my last nerve the last several months.  My latest quandary with this social media phenomenon is what I’m calling “baby leakage”.  I have to say, I have been very good about keeping our baby plans off of Facebook.  The blog is one thing, as we have all benefited from the advice and counsel and heartfelt outpourings from our fellow blog friends...HOWEVER, Facebook is a black hole of nearly 1,000 friends (some who harken back to my kindergarten days).  So while I have no problem with these people knowing our plans once our baby is born (or I guess I should say in the “safe zone”), I was not going to share our aches and pains with infertility, our multiple failed attempts, and my bouts with doubting this whole process with every person in my life that I've brushed shoulders with, or that was a friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend.  All that juicy stuff is reserved for you guys -- ha!  

So we slowly start to make our baby plans more and more public in small groups and one-on-one conversations with friends and family, we always remind people "Absolutely, positively, NO Facebook". That, however, seems to be impossible.  That urgent need to share information immediately consumes and overcomes people. Alas!...I get a post of “congratulations!” from my niece that I respond to with a smiley face and a “like”. I take it in stride.  The post is followed by several “likes” from other people “in-the-know”.  I think “am I being paranoid?”. Probably, yes.  

And then the day after Christmas my father posts that he’s so excited for his son Doug’s “Good News”.  I remember explicitly telling my father "Absolutely, positively, NO Facebook about the baby" -- but apparently the almost 80-year-old has selective hearing.  And so I didn’t comment, just let it sit there in cyberspace. And then a mutual friend posts on my wall “I want to know the good news!”…DARN!  And so I text them, in my attempt to circumvent the omnipresent Facebook to avoid further leakage, "we’re not posting this on Facebook but…blah blah blah…we’re having a baby in May”.  They’re excited, congratulate us.  I wait a little longer and there seems to be no more fall out…and then I think, “Am I being outed by Facebook???”  AM I being paranoid?  Probably, yes.

So Mark Zuckerberg, while you’re making it very hard for us to avoid a big splashy baby announcement on my Facebook Timeline (that is what you’re calling it now, right?), please…have no fear because I know, in the not-so-distant future, we’ll cave and start letting people in on it, using your awesome power of information dissemination to mark the day and every day forward that our adorable little angel has changed our lives forever.  And then, only then, will I consider taking you off my "sometimes" enemy status. 


  1. I've often called Facebook, blogging for stupid people.
    Like you, I have grown tired of it. I think I really don't care if my white-trash cousin(1 of many, sadly) feels that she is "going to start living life her way from now on".
    Sorry that your info got leaked. Especially from your own Dad. I've often thought about pulling the plus. As it is, I hardly ever check it so why have it anyway?
    Good luck with whatever you decide. If you want to Friend me, I'm there. But why?
    Your Friend, m.

  2. I have a number of times deactivated my account. I laugh at how much people put on there about their lives. I cannot believe your 80yr old father is on there! Mine wouldn't know what it was. Keep growing baby.

  3. I am having this same battle with Facebook right now.. I contemplate daily deactivating my account.. I also have a NO FB rule regarding my cycle. If I see anything that remotely looks like info it gets deleted and that person gets a nice "talking to", UGH..I feel your pain..

  4. Phew! I read the title and thought 'oh no! What the hell is baby leakage??' thank god everything's cool ;)

    I love fb, but very selective of who I friend. Currently I have just over 100. It works better that way.

    I'll be your friend tho xxx

  5. We had something similar happen about the last pregnancy... people would put cryptic messages on our facebooks and anyone that had a brain could figure them out! so I just stopped telling people anything...

  6. I'm so never joining Facebook. What on earth do you do with 1,000 friends Doug? You were totally Prom King, weren't you? ;)
    Have you guys told work yet? I'm freaking about that.
    In 20 weeks you'll be dealing with some real leakage - in a DIAPER! Yay.

  7. This is just so humourous, yet so spot on the mark. Facebook, I'm sure, has it's purpose - I just haven't found it yet. That's probably why I have de-activated (& re-activated) my account many times!

    Cannot believe your Dad uses Facebook as a communication forum - my Dad is just learning how to answer his mobile phone when it rings and still doesn't get this "texting" thing!

    Ahhhh, soon the truth will be told. For some reason, which I'm sure you can appreciate, I constantly feel I'm caught up in an episode of the X-Files, with all the mystery, intrigue and subsequent disbelief. "The truth is out there", and probably will be on facebook before you know it!

  8. HA @ Prom King comment! 1000 friends? May be time to delete a few :) FB is quite the thing. When I first joined I felt foolish because I was "older" (like 32 y/o I think). Now it seems like you can't have a dicussion without hearing something about FB. I can go a few days without checking my account but I find myself wondering what I may be missing... kind of sad, really. Boo - for the leakage but I guess it was bound to happen.

  9. Do what I do: DELETE! DELETE!

    I've had to do that a couple of times. If you look hard, you'll find a couple of cryptic messages I've left up on my profile.

    @Jeff and Kevin: I was going to tell my boss this week (and ask for a raise in the process), but he called in sick all week!

  10. I know exactly how you are feeling! Everyone we tell we specifically say NO FACEBOOK! And as it is I constantly hunt facebook for possible leaks. But I know with the few people who know its gonna leak and then we are hooped.

  11. Remembering the 1st time I heard somebody point out how networking / human contact ISN'T really the product on Facebook -- just the bait to hook us. Dealing our info -- that's what Zuck&Co care about, not us people.
    Pau already with F'book! I would neva. This is so much more exciting and human.
    You go, girlbaby!

  12. Facebook was the root cause of ALL the upset with our donor following the birth of our baby. We have since parted ways on facebook and things have been soooo much better ever since.

  13. It is always the dads who blab. ha I was so concerned about my mom blabbing since she tends to get a little excited and didn't think to hush my dad up. He had told the whole family before I had a chance to. I'm new to following you and love the blog and so excited for your little miss to arrive!